dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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