Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
