sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
