If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
