in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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