Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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