And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize