today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
