they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
