So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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