i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
