if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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