yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
