dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
