Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it hurts more in the daytime
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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