I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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