last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
