3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you like me you must not know who I am
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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