I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize