when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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