i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
