My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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