get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
