He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
