just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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