Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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