I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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