I swear she didn't look like that last week.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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