lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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