My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
