My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Say something about gay babies.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
