i don't plan on having that self control this summer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
