thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
