at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize