we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
