a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
