I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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