I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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