sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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