I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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