I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina is officially offended.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
