Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
