i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
