just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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