Dual....:-)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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