She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
