i already hear my dad disowning me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
