So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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