dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
