apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
