I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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