Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
