1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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