You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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