I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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