It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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