they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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