I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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