Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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