I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
