Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
