So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my being single is dangerous.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
