I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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