I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
