funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
