Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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