Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
